itonlyhurtswhenimbreathing

The words are so much like how I Feel.

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions since the day you first walked into my life. Mostly I have just been free falling ever since I First realized what I was feeling for you, and what was going on between us.

I feel as if I have been away from the

real world for far too long now. I have taken a new path now. I am trying to

put back together all the things you tore apart. I realized it wasn't going to be as bad as I thought to say goodbye to you. It was a strange time when it all happened. As we would talk and you weren't able to be here as much, the pain from missing you seemed less severe, the tears not so often. My hurt and my pain began to turn to anger as I saw just what you were doing to my soul.

I guess this is what they call moving on, I feel that's what I am now doing. I am moving forward, and further away from you everyday. I guess hurt does that to the heart.

It doesn't change the love I have for you. I will, as I have for far too many years, love you so deeply. Now though, I do this from inside, and through this web site. It's become my protection.

It only hurts when I breathe, my heart only breaks when its beating, are the words you hear most in this song. That's me, that's how I feel. The difference is, it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I think the worst of it is behind me, only time will be able to tell that. I just wake each morning and pray I make it

through another day without you in one piece. So far, I am managing it. There are those times I lose control and run to look for you, and when my soul realizes you're still gone, I make myself breathe again, and understand this is the way it has to be.

When I began this I thought who was I kidding ? I was so in love with you

there was no way I would ever walk away form you, or let go of the few precious moments we might be able to steal, to be together. Those moments were too far and too few in between,

and I couldn't handle it any longer, so I put more time between us.

Please see that I am not trying to hurt you, or taking everything I have said and say now: it had no meaning, we had no meaning. That's not my intention. I am trying to live in the real life and the real world, and both of

those tell me you are not here. And, I can't just put my life on hold anymore.

I have to heal, and I have to let go.

If it was meant to be, then I wouldn't be going through this and you wouldn't be gone.

I'm holding my breath most of the time, just praying I get through each minute of the day anymore. It still hurts, but I can't see any other way for both of us to make it in this life.

Please don't hate me for not being as strong as you are, for not being able to stand here and wait for you any longer. Please understand I am just human, I can be weak and frail at times, and I can fall.

I have now fallen so much further than I have ever fallen before, and I must leave to pick up whatever is left of the "ME" I have lost.

Always remember I will take a part of you with me in everything I do and everywhere I go, for the rest of my life.