Listen to the words, hear my soul. I have come to the end of such a long, long path of love, hurt, healing, creating, and becoming the woman you helped mold me into. A woman I never thought I would be. A place I never thought I would end up. After stumbling into you, alone, shattered, deeply hurt, just as deeply touched by your sweet, wondrous love, and ever so deeply, once again, hiding, and protecting my soul. In my life once again, so dark in hiding I can't even begin to think of ever coming out again.. |
Could you ever hear the things I said and expressed to your heart ? Do you hear me now? Will you ever be able to truly hear me? I think not. What happened here is a tragedy in its own right. All the things you've done to me, good and bad, have said such profound things to my soul, and helped to create the life that is now here for me. All the things that were left unsaid between us, all the hurtful goodbyes you said without ever saying a word. The times I would cry so hard and so long, I know the angels heard and allowed those tears to fill the oceans. I never got to say the one thing I always wanted to say to you in person. It still remains my only regret of all the things we shared together. |
You were always my only weakness, it's not a bad thing, it can be, and was, a good thing. To me it represented that you were the only thing in my life there was no distance too far to go, to travel for. And you were the only thing ever in my life to make me feel so helpless and weak over. The only thing in my life that ever I would wait for, no matter how long the wait, so it seemed at the time. It was wonderful and scary, but it's what happened. It was the truest form of love and devotion for another, It was the highest form of respect to give to another. All that, just from the way I loved you. All that, just for you. |
Now I am at the end of what will forever be the longest journey I will ever take. The end of the longest and hardest miles my soul will ever travel in this life. I have finally come to the painful realization that we are over. There is nothing to wait for any longer. There is no one there wanting me, loving me, and waiting for me as I have for him. You ! You're gone. You will never be in the one place I thought you would remain forever, at my side. |
What a road it has been. What twists and turns in the paths I have been forced to take. Broken lives, broken hearts, and shattered souls, littering the road at every turn. What a most painful day it was when I realized those broken hearts and shattered souls were in fact only 1, but they were just thrown out all along the way, repeatedly, and by only 1 person belonging to only 1, ME ! You were the one that had just thrown them away at every turn, every curve and every bend. |
I guess I should have seen all this happening with the first goodbye, you said it not with your unspoken words, but in your actions. But I was too blind, too in love, too far over the edge for you to see it, to know it, to believe it. And to a point, I feel as if I took the time we did have for granted. Mostly because I never saw you not here with me every day of my life. Now it's as if I have new eyes. I Can see it all so clearly, feel it so fresh in my soul, as if it only happened today, when in reality, it has been happening for the last 7 years of my love. |
Some days it seems we have only known each other a few moments, and other days it seems we have known each other for an eternity. Time seems to pass at times so very fast, and at others, like when you are gone, it passes so slowly. I'd give anything, if only for one moment, you truly were able to hear me, and all the things I have been saying for years now. But just like my dreams that vanished in the break of day, you vanished from my life so often, you weren't able to be here enough to hear me. |
Living in this life without you is something I Never saw happening. Though in reality, I should never have allowed myself to place you here in my life because you were not mine to begin with. However, I will never be able to thank you enough for sharing what part of yourself you were able to. You are a wonderful man on so many levels; you're not complicated. All you ever wanted was someone that would love you completely. Funny thing was, that's the only way I knew how to love you. I couldn't have done less, even if I had wanted. I just wasn't able to love you any other way but completely. |
Had I only met you another time in life, maybe things would have been different. But you had other obligations, and thus couldn't be with me. That doesn't change how I felt, or how I feel now. I will forever admire you for keeping your word to the life you had chosen, for staying and trying to make it work, even if that ended up hurting me. We, as the people we are in life, sometimes choose to take the easy road, the fast way out. I chose to take whatever road would lead to you, and in the end, it was the downfall of my life. I won't say I'm sorry we met, because I will never be sorry, nor regret that. I will just say I am sorry it never worked the way I so desired it to. |
There will forever be a void, an empty place in my heart & soul, that only you can fill. Many people have loved and lost in life, and so many have to let that loss heal. That's where I'm at now, and I don't know as yet where my healing will take me. In the perfect world it would be quick, and over fast so I don't suffer any longer, but we don't live in a perfect world. I'm so used to the suffering from the pain of not having you in my life, that I feel as if I am just beginning to really feel. |
Just remember.. As you lay each night to go to sleep, please allow me to creep ever so slowly into your thoughts, into your dreams, and allow yourself the freedom privately to open your soul and hear me. I loved you the very moment I met you. I still, after all these years, love you. Forever, I will be there with you, if only in your dreams. You are to me, in my soul, a secret treasure, something I can't touch, but something I will forever feel deep within my being. |
