How far will one go for another? I think that question has been on the minds of anyone ever in love since the beginning of time. I know its been on my mind since that first moment you walked into my life and caused this pain. How easily It seemed for you to just up and walk away so many times, never telling me anything, never giving me a chance to say anything. Just one day you would be gone, never looking at what you could be doing to me. |
I use to say I've had enough, I won't go through this again. But every time you would walk away, you would reappear once again in my life, and soon I would find myself right back where it all began. No matter how strong I thought I was, you were my only weakness. No one has ever had this much power over my soul, to make me fall in love all over again, as you were able to do. You would tell me you weren't gone, I was always there with you, even when you couldn't be here. For the longest time that was enough to make me hold on. |
I finally was able to be strong enough to tell you I wanted more, and I wouldn't settle for anything less. But was I really ready to make such a stand with you, the man I seemed to live for? Was I ready to say: I can't live this way any longer and something has to change ? At the time, no, I don't think I was. But every time you would come back, talking to me about meeting once again, filling my heart and my soul with your sweet words again. That just made me melt all over. But that meeting never came. There was always a reason it would fall through, and you would be gone yet again. |
I wondered: does he even care if I am here or not, and how do I make him understand how much I love him and what I would do for him? Each time you came back into my life you were different. You started sharing your emotions and feelings with me less and less. It was such a sad, hurtful time, and each time you came back I felt the distance between us. It would cause such pain in me that you never said "I love you" any longer. That was the worst of it all. But was it because I was letting go, or was it you no longer being able to say you still loved me, because you didn't? |
It doesn't matter what it was. All that matters is that it allowed me to come to the place where I now am. I want more, and I will not settle for less any longer. I can't allow you to hurt me anymore. I won't allow you to come back into my soul, only to crush it once again. I have to be strong now. I have to use all the control I have to stand up and say: if you love me, then you have to tell me. If you want me, then you have to tell me. So I am going to do the one thing I vowed never to do. I am, for the first time, walking away. I am letting go. I have to do this for me, for us. Until you are able to tell me what you want, share with me again, and love me again. |
It's up to you now how far I walk and how long I am gone. If you don't want me then let me go. If you do want me, then don't let me go, but understand, I can't do this again. I can't give more than I receive any longer. Will this be the ending of us? No, I don't think so. Because in all reality, we ended when you walked away from our love that first time, and stopped trying any longer. Forever, a part of me will wait for you. I Can't help that, but I can't allow this to continue. I have to be strong. I have to know: Do you love me ? How far are you willing to go ? |
