Fallen

What is wrong with me? I finally feel like I am on a good path. I am healing the me that you have hurt so deeply, only to find myself back to talking to you again, loving you again, feeling all the things that first brought me to you, and you into my soul.

I have once again got caught up in something that is so high in price, something I can't escape from it seems. Here I am thinking the past hurt can be undone, if I just allow myself to let go and feel all this again, allow you back into my life again.

Again I sit and wait for you, for the small morsels of time you are offering. Waiting to see your name pop up again.

When will I learn?

There is no lesson here, I fear. I can't escape you no matter what I do, no matter where I go. I have so tried to run, to hide, to leave the "us" behind that has hurt me so deeply.

I want out of this pain. I Can't stand it any longer. There has to be more to love then this never ending falling, this never ending hurt.

I have no place to run to anylonger that you are not a part of. You are everywhere, so deep inside me, so strong even after all this time.

You walk in and out of my life, like day is to night, always knowing its coming, always waiting for it to happen, and always knowing that at any moment you will once again be gone, leaving me to pick up the pieces to my soul.

Only then for you to walk right back in, marching right into my soul yet again always saying "I'm sorry"

I can't do this anymore. I have to stop allowing you to have so much power

and control over my soul.

I have to heal, but I don't know how. I don't know how to leave the you that I am so in love with.

There is a wound so deeply in my soul that just won't heal. It's too filled with love and admiration for you.

But why?

What is there to admire? The way you can so freely walk in and out and always know, no matter how hard I fall, I will forever be here for you, waiting, yet again.

Please hear me, I can't keep falling, I have to heal. Please allow me to heal.